Sunday, July 28, 2013

So for the first time on my mission I had to defend my message and my purpose, and in all, defend Christs name of whom I wear on my chest........

So my thoughts this week are about my Savior Jesus Christ. I had two touching experiences thinking about my savior. First experience; So little do you know, but I kind of beat my self up when my progress regarding stats is low because of others agency. I get frustrated and I think of how I can do better to help them. I sometimes think that if I  worked harder ,  my investigators would progress/ feel the spirit more. Well I was sweetly reminded by my Disrict leader that  I can only do so much. My district leader and zone leader know how mcuh I beat myself up and so this week at district meeting we talked about the atonment and how we can use the atonment to help us feel peace regarding our stats. So when our stats are low, we rely on the saviors atonment to help us either do better or to help us have peace in knowing we did our best.... aka the district trainging was just for me.  ha ha. Well the reason I liked this is because the District leader shared something from the book "Jesus the Christ" and it struck me. So when my companion has been sick, I read that book..... umm okay.... change my life!!!!!!!!! Reading the Bible and then reading JTC changed my heart for the better. I studied Christs Atonment. The whole atonement and.... I cant even begin to tell you how much I love my savior. I love him. I still can't fathom what he did for me and I am eternall greatful. I really studied his trial and I really studied Pilate. I wanted to try to understand what he was feeling. In JTC it reads "Think of the awful fact- Pilate, a heathen, a pagan, who knew not God, pleading with the Priests and people of Israel for the life of their Lord and King! Pilate pronounced the fatal sentence ' take ye him and crucity him' but he then added with bitter emphasis 'I find no fault in him'. " I love JTC. As I read this I was overwhelmed at how un fair christs trial was. All of it was ilegal. All of it. Pilate knew not God, yet he senced something in the man he sentenced to death. Christ touches the hearts of ALL who are willing. WILLING. We must be willing. I am noticing as a missionary that those who are prepared are those who are willing to do what the savior would have them do. Even if they don't know the Savior yet. If their hearts are soft, they are ready. There are too many hard hearts in this world today. In some ways, I used to be one of them. Sin drags us down but it's a hard heart that keeps us down. Sin can be forgiven, but it's the changing of the heart that is the real change. The heart has to want it. And to want it means it is soft. I love softening hearts on mymission and I love teaching soft hearts. Before my mission I said I wanted to come out here and "break some hearts". Thats exactly what I am still doing. I am teaching about my savior and I am helping others have a broken heart,  and I couldn't be happier. I love this work! Really love it.
The second experience was with our investigators.... they said to me plainly "we hate it when you teach bible lessons and we only want you to teach english" My companion told me later that becasue our investigator is an "Elderly, " that my companion, because of culture, would not have been able to refuse her request. Well good thing I'm not Korean.;) So after she told me her request,  I thought of Elder Holland.... BLUNT and firm. I said "I am so thank ful I can help you learn english but I'm here to tell you english is not important (I'm telling this to a woman whose job and LIFE is learning English.... ) I said I am not here to teach english. She stopped me and said "well english is important to me". I said "I am glad you love to learn english. You are a very smart woman but I have a question. Do you think when you meet God he will only speak to you in English or he will care how much english you know?. I'm here to tell you that  when you meet God, English is going to be the last thing you think about." I told her I loved her and wanted to help her so that when she meets God, she will be happy. She then told me how I am too strict. ha ha. I then said..."Well actually sister Ensign is not strict. Iam very relaxed. But I am not Sister Ensign right now. I am Jesus Christs  disciple and Sister, Christ does not care that I teach you english. He cares that I am loyal to him and I teach his message and I teach about him." So then my investigator, realizing that I would not budge turned to my compainon and said, "who gets to make the decision/ who is Senior?". My compaion pointed to me proudly.  After the lesson my comp said "I have never been more proud to call you my companion".  So for the first time on my mission I had to defend my message and my purpose, and in all, defend Christs name of whom I wear on my chest. I was proud to stick up for it and to not waver. I was thankful I could proudly pronounce that my message is the most important of any thing anyone could ever want. And it is. I know it is. My investigator now realizes my purpose . God bless her.
I love being a missionary. I love the man whose name I wear. I love him and I am so thankful to serve him faithfully and firmly these next 9 months. I love my mission. I love the people I teach. I love breaking hearts.
Well mom, I love you to the moon and back. Thank youfor the love, prayers and the constant e-mails. Love youto the moon and back.
Sister Cole Ensign

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