Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Christ taught us the greatest commandment is to Love...................

Well I'm just in tears right now. I have so many feelings right now. 1- I am so happy to be staying in Mokpo and..... 2- I'm training again!!!!!! Oh my goodness!!!! I must not know how to be a senior and  a trainer so God is keeping me going. ha ha . I pick her up on Thursday which is transfer day. Please pray for me. 
I apologize now for how short this e-mail will be because our zone went hiking in Gwanju today and we just got back and we only have 15 minutes to e-mail. Sorry mom. I know you DIE for these e-mails. 
So lets talk about how much I have cried this week.... I cant tell you how much I have learned to LOVE on my mission.  Just loving is all I am able to do sometimes. Not going to lie.... IT STINKS NOT GETTING THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE INTO THE WATERS OF BAPTISM. I hope every person reading this knows how much of a blessing it is to see a baptism. I hope one day I will get to see that. If not, God be willing. Our investigators just kind of broke my heart this week. We had wanted to meet them and they just didn't keep commitments this week. Commitment keeping is the only thing that keeps me going.  When people keep commitments/repent/ come to Christ, that is a MIRACLE!!!!!! Purely a miracle. Too often missionaries don't realize that. Missionaries don't realize the war that Satan and Gods angles are having over this person and so when they keep commitments it really is a miracle!!!!!!! Well this week Satan got to my investigators. They all took a step back. I was so sad to say the least. 
But God taught me an important lesson this week. It is called love. Christ taught us the greatest commandment is to Love God and to love your neighbor.... well though I cant control the agency of others, I can control how much I love them. I have learned to LOVE on my mission. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I have going for me is love,  which in reality is the Atonement. That's the only thing. When it all comes down to is, its all you have. One day you will want to have God in your life and if you don't understand how much he loves you, you will not know where he is. God loves us. I have learned to work on my mission but I have learned to LOVE. There is NO point in doing missionary work if you don't love what you do and who you do it for. Love is everything. If there is anything I could share to the missionary force serving and yet to go serve,  it is to LOVE.  Learn to love.  Give the love when its hard. Don't hold back when it's easy. Just give it your all. So with that I have learned plenty of heart break on my mission. You just love so much and when they hurt you, it hurts. Bad. But I also know that I have someone who will ALWAYS love me. He will never stop loving me. So when its just me and him, I can feel His love. 
This week we saw so many miracles of love. Moments where I  wanted to slap some lady for telling me straight up that I was Satan and literally kicked me out of her house and all I had was love.  A deep sadness that she just kicked out the greatest gift in the world!   Sometimes it is overwhelming to know that me and my comp are the only two in our whole apartment complex that knows the truth. WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!!. This message is a blessing for all and we are the only two with it!!!! WHAT!!!!!! But what does that knowledge do? It makes you work hard. Though this week was a bit rough we worked hard. We met some amazing people that didn't want to meet again, but it was great to meet them. 
Sister Juliet was sick this week and so she couldn't meet and so maybe that is why this week was rough because she just lights up my LIFE!!!! I love her!!!!!! But with every tough time comes  faith building which leads to more miracles. 
We tried to meet so many people this week and no one seemed to like us. ha ha ha ha ha. It s funny how bad you feel for the savior when you read the bible and then you go out side and experience a little taste of what he felt. Not funny. But hey, sometimes all you can do is laugh. 
I think a lot about what the Savior went through on his mission and I think A LOT about how, what, when, why and  who he would help if he where here. It's proved successful. I just love him. I cant comprehend the love he has for me but I am thankful for the love I feel. 
I love my savior. I know he loves you. I am so excited to LOVE the love out of my new companion,  but OH BOY am I going to miss Sister Wadsworth or what. I love her. She loves me. Love makes everything better. This week the Zone leader needed some help and he said he felt prompted to ask me. The only advice I have been able to ever give any one is to "Buck up, put on your boots, Get to work.... And remember the Atonement". But something I think people and I forget , is to Love. Get to work and LOVE what you do and who you meet. If not. It's all a waste. God said to Love. So though I wonder how I can get my friends baptized, I still dont' know. But I do know that I can love them. So that's what I will do. And if they want to be baptized. Great. If not, I will still love them. 
Well speaking of love. Mom, Dad, Bubba, Sam, Shmee. I love you. Oh do I love you. I love you to the moon and back. Sorry I couldn't talk much about the week. I just felt strongly to share "love" with you.  All you need is love and who is love? Christ:)

To the moon and back,
Sister Cole Ensign

Monday, October 14, 2013

I have never felt more like a savior in my life.........

Oh my goodness!!!! Such a good week!!!!! Talk about all the miracles and the general conference!!!!! AGH I just love this time of year. I'ts like an early Christmas ha ha ha.

 The weather here is getting SUPER nice. This morning me and my comp woke up at 5:30am and went with a member to a hike a mt. and then did studies up on the mt. It was so beautiful!!!!!! I was really happy to get out and see some nature especially when all I see all day is buildings... and trash... and homeless cats... ha ha ha just kidding, Korea is more beautiful than how I just explained... ha ha. Sometimes korea has some interesting smells and we don't know where the sun is because the buildings cover everything, but I love it,  probably because of the people;) I love the korean people! I feel like they are my children. They drive me crazy, but I love them to death. Somethimes they make stupid decisions, but I still love them. Sometimes they dont listen to me. But I still love the. Sometimes they down right break my heart. But I love them. And sometimes, they make my entrie week... which makes me love them more!!!!! I think I know a little bit about how God feels about us. God loves us!!!!!!!!!!

So I want to talk for a minute about a woman named 한현옥. This woman is my... mission!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGH!!!!! I met her On October 8, 2013. Heads up, she is not an investigator and she doesnt like church, and I dont think I will ever meet or see her again. But I love her. On the way to a members house for a quick visit I sat by a woman on the bus and just started talking.... and talking... and talking.... and soon I was literally in tears as she grabbed my hand, asked me not to leave, and told me that I need to find a good man to marry becase my heart is tender. I literally cried and was overwhelmed for the love that God has for her and I could feel it. I just wanted to take her right then and there to the waters of Baptism, and next to the temple. She told me of her family, her divorce, how she cant trust men (every woman in korea... literally ALL of my investigators (besides one) either hates their husbands and wants a divorce, or has divorced.. even when we talk on the street to women they ask if I am married and I say no and they look at me with sincerity and say "dont marry a koren man"... its always becasue of alochol... the men here drink every night and spend time drinking with their boss so they get some where in the work place, instead of spending time with family. ) anyways... sorry.... so she told me to marry a good man. She told me of her life and she just talked to me. The miracle about this woman is I could feel like this was an unusual situation for her... talking to people... let alone strangers.... let alone a stranger with brown curley hair and a WHITE skin..... this was not usual for her. But she was there, pouring out her life to me. I can not begin to explain the love I felt for this woman. It was increadible. I got off the bus and just cried because I wanted to help her. I told her how in our church men dont drink and so they are good men. I told her God loves her. I laughed with her as she told me that she loves her son, but that I shouldnt marry her. I held her hand as she just talked to me. I have never felt more like a savior in my life. And I cant even meet her again. But somehow, I know I will. I will see her agian. The worst part about missions are the "almosts". I was writing my trainer an e-mail last week and we talked about the 'almost's.". I'm sick of almosts on my mission but at the same time... I am thankful that God gives them to me to keep me going. I am here to baptize, but I am also here to help. Just help. I am thankful that I get to help a lot. But ya... baptisims would be good too... ha ha ha ha. But I just loved this woman and I consider her truly a blessing. I feel like I will see her again and when I do......I WILL GET HER TO THE WATERS OF BAPTISM!!!!!!!!

Okay, lets talk Juliet for a second... aka my sweet investigator who wants to be baptized. I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!! We ate together after conference  and it was just so great:) I love her:) She already considers herself a member. Its so cute when she says "well with new members like me". haha ha. She has yet to be baptized, but she considers herself a member... we need to talk about that. But she was not able to come to church this last week so she cant be baptized on the 27th. She loves EVERYTHING about this church except about coming to church... ha ha. Story of my LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways. Love her. She says she wants to study the church which I understand because there are CRAZY churches in korea and her dad asked her to be careful. So I understand. She is now wanting November 17th:) I love her. She is really reasonable with it all. She says she feels the spirit and believes the book of mormon is true:) She likes our church but she is scared to meet a lot of people at church. She told me the cutest thing the other day as we walked together to the bus stop... "Sister Ensign, you are my mentor. You make me happy to learn about the God".ha ha ha. I just love her. And then she sent me a text that said "God has made you in an amazing way. Help me find the God". ah ah. I love it when she tries to speak english. I love it. Please pray for her. 

Also our lessons with our married couple Sister Lee and Brother Pack  was really good. Sister Lee prayed and thanked God that she recieved peace while meeting with us and for recieving a good feeling through our message:) I love my investigators... now I just need them to come to church. 

Louisa... cant get baptized until she gets married... and marriage is... no where in sight... Why do you ask that she cant get baptized until she is married.... well becaesu we prayed and we talked with 2 different mission presidents who have known her and they said she CAN NOT  be baptized until she is willing to keep the law of chastity.... and it has always been a problem... so we prayed, fasted, and determined with her, that marriage needs to come before baptism.... All 3 mission presidents that I had to talk to abouther said the same thing... and it was through the spirit. So now all we do is help her. WE decided we can best help her, by helping her come to church every week. That is our goal with her. But no baptism...... Sadness.

And then Sister Pack... love this woman but she wont tome to church. I prayed really hard about as to how to help her and I got some really good revelation!!!!! Its called "ward family home evening". Getting her to meet sisters int he ward, help her know where the church is, and getting her to LEAVE HER HOUSE will hopefully make her happy. I was really excited. WE are doing it next monday:) Please pray for us.

So lets talk aobut conference. For the first time in my....life... I didnt have a talk that stood out to me, instead I was just filled with strength, love, the spirit, and a determination to be a better missionary and member, and desciple of Christ. I had 5 specific questions I wanted answered during conference... yup... like "The District" says "you can put your money on the prophet" to answer your questions. ha ha ha ha. So That was really good to get some questions answered and to be lifted and strengthend. I know our leaders are called of God. No question. It is truly a blessing to have a prophet and apostles:)

I have really been studying about how to be a disciple of Christ and how to be a better missionary especially one who teaches with the spirit... well I got my answer. It's called LOVE. CHARITY. That is all it is. Easy right... wrong... but with a little prayer and some humbling..... Love comes. John 13: 35 says "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another". Love is all it takes. And I have truly felt it this week. I pray I can feel it more and more.

One thing that really struck me in conference was when President uchtdorf quoted john 6. Christ says"Will ye also go away". And I speak as does peter when he says "Lord, to whom shall we Go?". The Lord is who I choose to follow and forever and ever will I. I will not, never, ever, go away. I have like Elder Holland says "put my head to the plough and will never look back". 

I love you to the moon and back. 

Sister cole Ensign

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

.... no greater joy will be felt than when you can finally SEE.......

This week was a good one. Like always. 

We were promised by our zone leader some amazing promises if we would just focus on teaching with the spirit to their needs. Stop thinking like "our investigator needs to read the book of Mormon." or "Our investigator needs to come to church". Those are not needs. Needs are; "Sister Kim needs to know she is a daughter of God".... "Brother Pack needs to know that he can receive strength from God by keeping commandments." Those are needs. Well that's what my comp and I did this week and we saw miracles. MIRACLES baby!!!! Focus on the needs and teach with the spirit and ALL are uplifted. 

Our sweet Juliet is doing amazing. She keeps saying she loves the spirit she feels when she is with us and I am so glad she is so in tune with that spirit. Little do we know, but we feel him more than we realize or think to acknowledge. God loves us so he WILL send his spirit to strengthen us, lift us, guide us, and help us. ALWAYS. because God ALWAYS loves us. President Hinckley said "We are Gods children ALL THE TIME. Not just when we are good". That is something I LOVE teaching. God loves us all the time. We are his children forever and for always!!!! Sister Juliet knows that. She is still wanting to be baptized on the 27th!!!! Please pray for her because she just has a problem with church attendance..... she doesn't like to wake up. ha ha ha. Shes 31 and still has teenager problems... ha ha,  Love her. 

We also had another investigator, Brother Pack,  who is atheist and doesn't believe in God but he tells us that he wants to believe. He wants to find the truth, and when he finds it, he wants to be baptized!!!! I can not even tell you what this man has gone through and he has come SO far!!!!! I love him. My companion is particularly attached to him in such a spiritual way and she just broke him open and made him soft. I love my comp.  I love it. We really are sent to places that we are needed. God loves us so much. 

I now want to talk about Louisa and Sister Yuoo.... Sister Yuoo doesn't want to ever see us again... we don't know what happened. We visited her ever day this week wondering where she was. We thought something happened to her... ya... her other church told her about us... you know . So now she doesn't want anything to do with us. I love this woman and I know she knows we have the truth and so that was a little heart breaking... And then Sister Louisa.... apparently she has a big problem with the law of chastity....... AGH! I love this woman but we are drilling into her the principle of repentance. Something I wanted to make her understand is the beauty and peace that come from repentance. That it is not a sad thing. Sadness is PART of repentance, but repentance is a beautiful path that leads to happiness and relief from grief, guilt, sin, and EVERY THING THAT MAKES US SICK. I have such a strong testimony about repentance and the atonement and I am not surprised that god put Louisa in my path. I know my testimony can help her. But she cant be baptized... for a long time... she talked to the Mission Pres. and he said she cant be baptized until she is married.... even though she is living with no one... she needs to be married... pure inspiration. I love the spirit. Please pray for my loved ones!!! aka investigators!!!!! 

I read this verse the other day and remembered my hard heart and I just couldn't rend it. No matter what good acts I tried. I needed the atonement. Ether 4: 15 says "Behold when ye shall rent the veil of unbelief which doth cause you to remain in your awful state of wickedness, and hardness of heart, and blindness of mind, then shall the great and marvelous things which have been hid up from you- when you shall call upon the father in my name, when a broken heart and a contrite spirit, then shall ye know that the father hath remembered the covenant with he hath made...." Through the atonement we can have that hard heart rooted out and we will finally be able to see. With all of life's difficulties, trials, sins, heart breaks, we are being blinded by that hard heart and sometimes we don't even know it but when we just humble ourselves,  CHANGE,  and go to the lord, that is when we finally see. Nothing, no greater joy,  will be felt than when you can finally see. That is what I love helping my investigators feel. If you are feeling blinded or that you cant see or if you are angry or sad or confused, you are being blinded by your own will... so now use that will, that gift called agency,  to call upon the Atonement to rend that veil that makes it so you cant see. I know I have to rend that veil every day. 

Mom I love you. Thank you and dad for teaching me and guiding me down the path that teaches me how to "see" and how to rend the veil. I will be forever grateful. 

I love you to the moon and back.

Sister Cole Ensign

God loves you more than to the moon and back:) That's a lot of love. :)