Sunday, November 3, 2013

always, right when things seem impossible, the lord picks you up, brushes you off, and lays you right on his back...

Well the reason this is titled slinky is because of the perfect slinky stairs I found.... and .... because my slinky/ week kinda went down hill... ha ha ha. But in a really good faith building way. THeres no where better to start than from the bottom. I really am sad because of what happend this week, but I also have never been more filled with love, the spirit, happiness and hope. 

Fisrt off. My trainee is ......AMAZING. Oh my goodness I couldnt ask for a better comp let alone a better friend. She reminds me of both of my companions in the MTC. Sister Gelder and SIster Hendricks!!!!!! And she is kinda like me, we have a LOT IN COMMON. For instance, our best friends are our sibblings. Like we talk about our family.... non stop!!!!!! I am so thankful to be with her. Her name is Sister Scott. She is from Ogden:) Love her!!!!!! And it is such a blessing to have here with me when our first day together,my heart broke. 

Our investigator, Sister Juliet... she texted saying "I love my boyfriend... he does not like you... I want to marry him and he said if we want to get married I have to stop meeting you... I am so sorry"..... so after the inital shock of my heart being wripped out and having lemmon juice poured in I texted her back wondering if I would ever meet her again. It was not even the fact that I just lost an investigator, but i just lost a friend who I LOVE SO MUCH!!!! I have nevr felt more close to an investigator. I know she is really sad we cant meet anymore, but I know she also loves her fiance. So this is areally hard time for her. I just cried.... and cried.... and cried...... my comp was there for me. She didtn know who Juliet is but she felt sad that someone who was getting baptized is no longer on that road. I say the least.... devastated .  For the first time on my mission I desired to not work as hard. Like I couldnt believe how much this hurt me. I didn't realize how much I love this woman. But like always, right when things seem impossible, the lord picks you up, brushes you off, and lays you right on his back. Thats what the lord did for me. During my personal study the day after Juliet texted me I was just overcome with the spirit of love. I could feel the prayers of people in my behalf. Especially I could feel my sweet companions families prayers for me. I could feel the fam's prayers and the prayers they offer for missionares all over the world. I was lifted. It was truly a blessing. I was studying in First nephi, the lord commands the sons of Lehi to return to jerusalem to recieve the plates. This was a commandment. Nephi willingly accepts the commandment. He is faithful, loyal and righetous in keeping this commandment. But WHY did the lord give them this commandment and after two tries, the task seemed impossible? Why did the lord give them this commandment and when they kept it, God didn't immediately help? Why did God "Wait" to help them accomplish the task? The lord is testing their faith, AS TO BUILD THEIR FAITH. Why did God command me to serve a mission? And why is he not "helping"me to accomplish the task of baptizing Juliet and my other friends>? Well... God IS  helping me. Always along the way, the Lord gave Nephi and his brothers mercies, miracles, and faith building moments. And just when all seemed lost, the Lord helped them accomplish this task. He was always there, always helping. ALWAYS. But God gives us commandments to strengthen our faith so that he can give us blessings. I can not forget, I will not forget that the Lord is here with me. I may wonder and question how I will accomplish this task, but I must keep the faith. Hold on and endure and  work hard in the spirit! I will not give up because like Nephi  "I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."   The Lord did not command me to come on a mission to just fail. I will overcome. Only with the strength in my Lord. Sometimes I think that the lords task for me to serve a mission is different than I '"hope"/ aka baptize everyone in korea.  ha ha. Though this is something God wants, it may be a different task assigned to someone else. But I am still here to help people come to baptism. But I realy feel like God has given me such a big heart because he needed someone to love his children. I think Im pretty good at loving, thanks to the lord. With that love, I can lead people to baptism.  But my task, like the lord commands, is to love. And through that love, people make steps. Love fixes everything. Love is Christ. Love is the Atonement. I know of NO greater act of love than of GOd giving us his son, and Christ suffering the Atonement. No greater love. I know I can give people that love. Though I just want to throw people into the waters of baptism and shower them with blessings, we first give them love. I can do that. I can do whatever the lord wants / needs me to do. And right now, if I follow the spirit, I will accomplish the tasks God has sent me here to do. Please pray for Juliet. I will not give up. I still love her. Oh do I love her. 

I love you to mom. Thank you for your prayers and your constant support. Thank you dad for your amazing diligence, faith and support. Bubba... oh do I love you. Holy cow I love you!!!!!! keep being the good brother that I love so much. Sammy... agh baby girl. Im just trying each day to try to have a fraction of the love that you have. If everyone in the world had a fraction of the love for others that you have, the world would be a lot better. Thank you for teaching me about love. Diondra... agh  sis!!!!!!  "Sista lets fly".  I love you.  Keep sending me that amazing example of how in the world I can do misisonary work... YOU ARE AMAZING!!!! 


love sister Cole Ensign

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