Well I'm just in tears right now. I have so many feelings right now. 1- I am so happy to be staying in Mokpo and..... 2- I'm training again!!!!!! Oh my goodness!!!! I must not know how to be a senior and a trainer so God is keeping me going. ha ha . I pick her up on Thursday which is transfer day. Please pray for me.
I apologize now for how short this e-mail will be because our zone went hiking in Gwanju today and we just got back and we only have 15 minutes to e-mail. Sorry mom. I know you DIE for these e-mails.
So lets talk about how much I have cried this week.... I cant tell you how much I have learned to LOVE on my mission. Just loving is all I am able to do sometimes. Not going to lie.... IT STINKS NOT GETTING THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE INTO THE WATERS OF BAPTISM. I hope every person reading this knows how much of a blessing it is to see a baptism. I hope one day I will get to see that. If not, God be willing. Our investigators just kind of broke my heart this week. We had wanted to meet them and they just didn't keep commitments this week. Commitment keeping is the only thing that keeps me going. When people keep commitments/repent/ come to Christ, that is a MIRACLE!!!!!! Purely a miracle. Too often missionaries don't realize that. Missionaries don't realize the war that Satan and Gods angles are having over this person and so when they keep commitments it really is a miracle!!!!!!! Well this week Satan got to my investigators. They all took a step back. I was so sad to say the least.
But God taught me an important lesson this week. It is called love. Christ taught us the greatest commandment is to Love God and to love your neighbor.... well though I cant control the agency of others, I can control how much I love them. I have learned to LOVE on my mission. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I have going for me is love, which in reality is the Atonement. That's the only thing. When it all comes down to is, its all you have. One day you will want to have God in your life and if you don't understand how much he loves you, you will not know where he is. God loves us. I have learned to work on my mission but I have learned to LOVE. There is NO point in doing missionary work if you don't love what you do and who you do it for. Love is everything. If there is anything I could share to the missionary force serving and yet to go serve, it is to LOVE. Learn to love. Give the love when its hard. Don't hold back when it's easy. Just give it your all. So with that I have learned plenty of heart break on my mission. You just love so much and when they hurt you, it hurts. Bad. But I also know that I have someone who will ALWAYS love me. He will never stop loving me. So when its just me and him, I can feel His love.
This week we saw so many miracles of love. Moments where I wanted to slap some lady for telling me straight up that I was Satan and literally kicked me out of her house and all I had was love. A deep sadness that she just kicked out the greatest gift in the world! Sometimes it is overwhelming to know that me and my comp are the only two in our whole apartment complex that knows the truth. WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!!. This message is a blessing for all and we are the only two with it!!!! WHAT!!!!!! But what does that knowledge do? It makes you work hard. Though this week was a bit rough we worked hard. We met some amazing people that didn't want to meet again, but it was great to meet them.
Sister Juliet was sick this week and so she couldn't meet and so maybe that is why this week was rough because she just lights up my LIFE!!!! I love her!!!!!! But with every tough time comes faith building which leads to more miracles.
We tried to meet so many people this week and no one seemed to like us. ha ha ha ha ha. It s funny how bad you feel for the savior when you read the bible and then you go out side and experience a little taste of what he felt. Not funny. But hey, sometimes all you can do is laugh.
I think a lot about what the Savior went through on his mission and I think A LOT about how, what, when, why and who he would help if he where here. It's proved successful. I just love him. I cant comprehend the love he has for me but I am thankful for the love I feel.
I love my savior. I know he loves you. I am so excited to LOVE the love out of my new companion, but OH BOY am I going to miss Sister Wadsworth or what. I love her. She loves me. Love makes everything better. This week the Zone leader needed some help and he said he felt prompted to ask me. The only advice I have been able to ever give any one is to "Buck up, put on your boots, Get to work.... And remember the Atonement". But something I think people and I forget , is to Love. Get to work and LOVE what you do and who you meet. If not. It's all a waste. God said to Love. So though I wonder how I can get my friends baptized, I still dont' know. But I do know that I can love them. So that's what I will do. And if they want to be baptized. Great. If not, I will still love them.
Well speaking of love. Mom, Dad, Bubba, Sam, Shmee. I love you. Oh do I love you. I love you to the moon and back. Sorry I couldn't talk much about the week. I just felt strongly to share "love" with you. All you need is love and who is love? Christ:)
To the moon and back,
Sister Cole Ensign
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